Today’s post if testimony from Heather Benton. You will love it! Grab a tissue!
I decided after much contemplation to share my story in hopes that it might inspire. My story is not a fairy tale. It is in no way the story that I would have ever imagined. I have always drifted towards taking the long road, and this story is just that. The long road that ultimately lead me to God, and myself. Strange how that happens.
Nick and I were married on May 21st 2005. I was pregnant. A few long months later our son arrived in December. We bought a house, had a baby, and were newly-weds. Life was moving very very fast. We ran into all the struggles you could imagine during those first few years. Financial issues, struggles with being new parents, struggles with being husband and wife.
About 5 years into our marriage neither of us thought we could live with each other anymore. We discussed just calling it quits. We were driving each other crazy, we were miserable, and we were making our son miserable in the process.
Nick came to me one day, serious this time, about getting a divorce. A part of me was relieved. This was my way out. I was tired of arguing, tired of bickering, tired of the screaming matches. The other part of me was hesitant. I kept asking myself what was the point in the last 5 years if it would just end like this?
Nick was on his way out and I confronted him. “Who was she,” I asked? I wanted the truth. I was tired of the secrets. He told me he was going to see a girl he had met on the internet and that he was in love with her. And away he went
I was left at the house alone and bitter. Down right angry on my bad days. I had been betrayed and was using that to justify my anger. I decided that if Nick could meet someone online then so could I.
I started looking around. Online dating sites made meeting people easier than ever. I made a profile and began talking to other men. I met John. We dated for a few months. All of a sudden things were seemingly “not working out.” He was distant and I wasn’t going wait for him to come around. Then I found out something that absolutely turned me world upside down. I was pregnant.
The reality of it hit me like a tower falling on top of me. I was pregnant. And John made it clear he was not interested in a happily ever after. What was I going to do?
I had pretty much made up my mind to do something that in my darkest hour I never thought I would even consider...I was going to abort the pregnancy.
I made all the plans to have the procedure so no one would ever know. One day after Nick picked up our son he called me. He shared with me how it seemed to be God moving him to call me. He knew me so well. He figured out I was pregnant and even figured out I was considering an abortion...and he also knew that I could never do something like that. He was right. I was going against everything that had ever been ME. He was the only person that called me out and outright told me that, that decision would be wrong. No buts, no ifs, no excuses.
I thought about what he had said all night. I resolved the issue to keep my unborn baby. Suddenly the tears stopped. I had cried non stop for almost 2 weeks and suddenly all the pain had been lifted. I knew I had made the right decision. I called John to let him know my decision. After a very childish episode he informed me that he was done and never wanted to see me or the child.
I was at square...nothing. I had no idea what I was going to do, or how. All I did know is that I had a tiny little baby growing in side of me.
God decided to hit me with a brick, or 3 or 10 of them. All the grief from the divorce that I had kept running from, pieces of relationships that hadn’t worked, fragments of a marriage gone bad, pieces of my child’s world turned upside down. I was alone.
God did a number on both Nick and I at the same time. We ran from each other, and God for quite some time. We were trying to do things our way. But God had other things in mind.
Despite all odds, Nick and I decided to give “us” another shot. I had been reading Love and Respect and was suddenly faced with my part of the blame of the problems of our marriage. Suddenly it wasn't all HIS fault. I had fault too. Nick and I found ourselves coming back together, kicking and screaming (at first). Neither of us knew exactly how God was going to make it work. We just knew that we were supposed to listen and follow. Each day got better. A little frayed and faded, a few scratches here and there, but they are back together and now, more solid than ever.
Our worst days now are better than our best days were then. We keep God at the forefront of our lives...where he should be. He leads us and we do our best to listen and follow.
We got re-married the day of my scheduled induction
Now I have my husband and family back. We have a beautiful little girl that I didn’t let go of. She has an amazing daddy who loves her dearly, and our son has a beautiful sister who he can’t seem to get enough of.
No, this is no fairy tale. There is no happily ever after. Just a man and a woman and two tiny blessings from God. And a strange sort of miracle.. that happened just the way God intended. Its hard to look back sometimes and even fathom that I thought of not having this beautiful little girl, and my wonderful husband in my life. There have been days of guilt and outright shame. God’s strength keeps my head on straight. At the end of the day I get to kiss my son and my little girl goodnight...and I get to snuggle up next to the husband that I never thought I would be able to look at the same way again. God is good. No.. God is AMAZING!
You can follow Heather at her blog hbdocumentary. Thank you Heather for sharing your story! Please leave a comment to encourage Heather for sharing her story!
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**Special thanks to Megan Hulsey photography for capturing some of our family’s special moments!!