Today’s Testimony is from Ginny. It will bless your socks off!
My testimony is a testimony about forgiveness. Let me start off by telling you a little about my childhood. My father was an addict and was never really around much. He would get paid on Friday and we would not see him again until he ran out of money. My mom is a wonderful mother, so I at least had one great parent! They got a divorced when I was 11 years old.
I got saved during this time in my life and my mom and I started getting involved in church. They were so good to us, buying us Christmas one year and food when my mom couldn’t afford it. Really showing us God’s love. I still talked to my dad pretty often after the divorce, mostly through letters since he was in jail most of my teenage years. It was during this time that I really fell away from God. I always longed for a guy to love me, because my dad always loved drugs and alcohol more.
When I was 15 I “feel in love” or as much as you can when you are 15 years old. I got involved in sexual sin. I only had sex one time, nothing could happen right? Well, I was late on my period. I just blew it off because I cheered and we were getting ready for a huge competition, and I was stressed. But after I was a few weeks late, I knew that something was not right. I went to the health center to get a pregnancy test and it was positive. Yes, the first time I ever had sex I got pregnant, something I thought would NEVER happen. I had to do the hardest thing I’ve ever done and tell my mom. The look of disappointment on her face is something I will never forget. We cried for hours wondering what we were going to do. Then we decided…abortion.
We never spoke of it, I never went to counseling, we didn’t tell anyone & we “pretended” like nothing ever happened. Yeah, nothing happened. Funny it’s been 15 years and it has not gone away, I think about it everyday. I prayed for forgiveness all the time, everyday, but just could not see how God, or my mom could forgive me for something so horrible. I went on with my life PRETENDING like everything was OK.
I went off to college where I got involved in Campus Christian Fellowship and my relationship with God was stronger than ever. I sang in the praise band and was taking mission trips. I repented to God about my sexual sin and always stayed too busy to date. In high school I felt I needed a guy to love me, but in college I knew that all I ever really needed was God’s love. He showed me that he was my father here on earth as well as my heavenly father and God filled my void.
I trusted God & I told Him that I think I could be single my whole life and be OK with it because He is all I really needed. I felt like God was waiting on that…because it was only about 3 months later that I really started noticing Jason, the man that would later become my husband. He made me laugh and we always had a great time together. When he finally asked me on a date, I was scared to death. I didn’t want to fall back into my old life and he wouldn’t want to date me anyway if he found out about my past. He was an awesome Christian guy who I didn’t deserve. These are the lies the devil always puts in my head. We went on a few dates and I was really starting to fall for this guy. This dating relationship was so different from my past ones, he never really tried to “make a move”, just seemed like he really liked spending time with me.
About a month after we started dating I went home to spend Easter with my mom. She had gotten some tickets to go see a play at her church. We went not knowing that this would change our lives. One of the scenes a girl talked about her abortion and how she didn’t deserve to go to heaven. Then the trumpet sounded and Jesus walked out on the stage with her baby in His hands. My mom grabbed my hand and at that moment I knew that my baby was in heaven walking the streets of Gold with my Heavenly Father.
That evening my mom and I cried and we finally talked about the thing we had tried to forget.
My mom and I both said we had forgiven each other and that night I knew that God had truly forgiven me as well. It was the first time I felt a burden lifted off of me, after 8 years I had finally forgiven myself.
I knew I had to tell Jason so he could decide how he really felt about me. I could not hide from my past. I told him about the abortion and about the awesome experience I had the night before with my mom. His eyes filled up with tears and he hugged me saying, “I forgive you too”. He continued to tell me about someone close to him who also had walked through an abortion and just told him 2 years prior to this. God knew in advance to prepare him for me. We dated for about 2 years then got married in 2005. In 2007 we decided that we wanted to try to have a baby. I was very nervous…not sure if God would bless me because of my past, thinking we might have a hard time because of me. But after 3 months, I became pregnant & my emotions were everywhere.
Would I be a good mom? Would God really bless me with a healthy baby? Why do so many people have a hard time getting pregnant and I didn’t? Our baby was born Sept. 2, 2008. She was perfect. God had truly blessed me. I still have my moments after 15 years. But I know that God is with me and I have to remember that the Devil prowls around like a roaring loin looking for someone to devour and I have to use God’s armor to protect me.
Just in the past few months I have finally gone through the counseling I needed for my abortion. I walked through a Bible Study at Choices of the Heart Pregnancy center called Surrendering the Secret Healing after an abortion and I am finally FREE. I realized that forgetting about my abortion only numbs the pain temporarily and to be healed you must remember…and that hurts, but it’s necessary.
I had a memorial service for my little boy, who I have named Andrew. I was finally able to go through the grieving process that I needed. I am ready to use my past hurts for God’s glory. And that is why I’m volunteering at the Pregnancy Center.
My prayer is that girls who are in a crisis don’t make a fast decision. That they will come and learn their options. Abortion does not “get rid of the problem.” It stays with you forever. I also pray that if you’ve had an abortion and you’ve stuffed it deep, sealed the lid and put “things to forget”, that you will open it up, remember and be healed.
Let’s Surrender the Secret together. Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we are going.
I would like to close with a poem. I dedicate this poem to Andrew….
The Babe I’ll Never Hold
If I knew then
what I know now,
You never would have died.
I’d have held you close
And nurtured you
And kept you by my side.
I’d have sung you songs
And treasured you
More than silver
More than gold:
But this song is all I’ll give
To the Baby I’ll never hold.
I’ve never written poetry
That hasn’t been a praise
To the Lord Who wept with me
And held me through those days.
Jesus, now I’m asking.
I know you hear my plea.
Won’t you take that child in your hands
And hold my Babe for me.
If you would like more info about healing after an abortion Ginny freely offers her email address firstname.lastname@example.org Thank you Ginny for using your biggest hurt for his Glory!